


Itsuka...

by silencedancer



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: Community: cottoncandy_bingo, F/F, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-31
Updated: 2012-12-31
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silencedancer/pseuds/silencedancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anthy and her thoughts on the final duel and the events leading up to and why she chose to do what she did during it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Itsuka...

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes in italics are Utena's words from the TV show during the last two episodes. This fanfic also has spoilers for the last two episodes. 
> 
> Story was written for cottoncandy_bingo on DW, using the prompt "Dark".

When you opened my dark coffin, letting in the light, and reached in with your hand, I was frightened. Not of you, but of what you represented. I knew...if I touched your hand...took it in my own and helped myself, things would change.

I had become comfortable being the witch. The witch who stole the light of the prince from the world, whose only role was to enchant, to betray and to destroy dreams. I thought that I had not choice but to stay in the dark. To remain in that role. My brother said that I chose to become a witch and that is true, but that was a long time ago. So long ago that I can barely even remember it.

With your hand reaching out to me, I realized that I still had the power to chose different. To change and become something different. To leave my brother's frozen fairy tale world made of false princes, illusions and lies. I can chose to not be a witch. I can _change_ my decision – the one that I made so long ago.

I did hesitate because of my fear, but eventually I started to reach out to you.

_“I came all this way to be with you. So don't be afraid of this world where we can meet.”_

Our hands did touch and that changed something in me. With that simple action, I took back my power to choose for myself. Not to do things just because others wanted me to do them, but because _I_ wanted to do them. I chose to leave the darkness.

\---

_“I-I never realized the pain you were in. I never noticed how much you were suffering. And despite that, I...I kept on acting like I was a noble prince who would save you! The truth is, my protecting you was just for my ego! And the night I learned about you and Akio...I thought you had betrayed me! Even though you were suffering so much! After I had said we should help each other, no matter what! I was the one who cheated you! I was the one who used you! I was the one who betrayed you...”_

\---

Utena, when I find you, in the world outside, I want to tell you so many things.

That I fell in love with you that night when instead of just doing what you thought was best for me, you _listened_ to me and trusted me. That was the first time we were truly honest with each other and I found that I loved you despite all your faults. 

Still, I was scared of all the changes I felt coming. My brother had so much power over me, I couldn't imagine things being any other way. And so I ignored those changes beginning inside me and followed the script that my brother wrote for me in his twisted play of shadows. After all, did I not think the world of him? As little sisters do, I thought he knew everything and he didn't disagree. 

Yet...he is just as lost as everyone else, isn't he?

It was you who broke my brother's self-created reality, Utena, when you opened my coffin. He never wanted anything but the power he thought he once had, but you wanted something else.

You wanted to finally meet me. To get to know me. In there, when the coffin was opened, I heard the little selfless child in you, the part of you that still could hope. In response, a part of myself...a part that I thought dead, spoke softly in my mind and said that I wanted to be free. That I too had the ability to hope like you.

I want to also say sorry, Utena. I was so afraid of change, of the idea that I could be happy somewhere else. Part of me wanted to stay in my coffin and that's why I stabbed you from behind when my brother wanted me to. That's why I betrayed you. The idea that everything I understood would be destroyed just seemed too much.

Yet you were stubborn and still reached your hand out for me after everything that had happened. That's how I know that you're still alive, somewhere out in the real world. You don't know how to give up, Utena. That's why I am leaving Ohtori. It's now my turn to find you as you had found me.

Besides, we made a promise that in ten years, we'll be laughing and sipping tea together. I intend on keeping that promise. 

And the sun will be shining that day.

**Author's Note:**

> The title "Itsuka..." translates to "Someday...", referring to the title of the last episode.


End file.
